• Happy Mother's Day
  • Author avatar
    Amelia Slocombe
  • babiesbabychildrengrowing uphappyInspirationlifemotherhoodpregnancyrelationshipsRock of Featherwoman

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's DayThis will be my fourth Mother’s Day.  My, how the time has flown.  It seems like only yesterday I was bouncing on a balance ball with an enormous 41-week old bump, willing my first baby to arrive.  And it seems like only yesterday, in the middle of a 30-minute tantrum, that I was wishing he was back in there.  Hang on a minute, that was yesterday… 
Having a child and being a mum is, without a doubt, one of the most wonderful, yet challenging, things in the world.  In fact, it is one of life’s many paradoxes that no one who isn’t a mother will ever fully understand.  And that is simply because it is impossible to explain precisely how you can find something so demanding, so exhausting and so time-consuming, yet at the same time, never want it any other way.
I was trying to explain this to my two (childless) best friends last Summer, as we lazed on a beach during a girl’s weekend in Sardinia.  For them, the idea of having children was madness.  Why would you want to give up your fabulous life, your toned physique, your absolute right to love yourself above all others, for the sake of producing something that is totally and utterly dependent on you?  Something that makes you cry with frustration?  Something that makes you feel completely and utterly out of your depth?
Initially, I didn’t have an argument.  I too had once been one of those proudly un-maternal women who viewed the decision to have children as an act of lunacy, of desperation even.  Something that women did when they didn’t have anything better to do with their lives.  And the problem is, I still understand that point of view.  I know many mothers who view their childless counterparts with a certain sense of pity.  As if their decision not to have children is not a choice, but a sad reflection of having not quite "made it" as a woman.  But I don’t see it like that at all, and I never will.  I’ve always understood why some women don’t want children.  I think too many are pressured into it, if I’m totally honest.
And so initially, on the beach that day, I didn’t have an argument.  Until I pictured Arthur, my little boy.
And then I realised.  I don’t want children.  I never have.  BUT I do want Arthur.  Because he isn’t just a child, he’s a little extension of me.  Only better.  He’s gorgeous (I’m attractive at best).  He’s hysterically funny (I’m mildly amusing when I put my mind to it).  He’s warm hearted and kind (I can be a complete bitch).  And then I realised that that is how other mothers feel as well.  Yes, there are some that adore children generally (if you are one of those, I will never understand you).  But I don’t think the majority of us are like that.  I think most women find other people’s kids pretty bloody annoying.
So I tried to articulate to my friends that being a mum is not about loving children.  In a selfish way, it’s about loving yourself.  Because your children are simply an extension of you.  And that is why it’s so important to care for them, and cherish them, and teach them the ways of the world.  Even when you are exhausted and at your wit’s end.  Because not to do so isn’t just doing a disservice to your child.  It’s doing a disservice to you.
So that’s why I’ll be celebrating my fourth Mother’s Day this year with pride and a large placard reading “Well Done Me”.  As should you.  For it’s not just a celebration about being a mum.  It’s a celebration about being a mum to that miniature version of yourself who is even more awesome than you are.
  • Author avatar
    Amelia Slocombe
  • babiesbabychildrengrowing uphappyInspirationlifemotherhoodpregnancyrelationshipsRock of Featherwoman

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